In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
