when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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