I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
