umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
