God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
