where am i from again
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize