break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
