Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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