I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
