two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
