She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize