I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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