dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
