Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
