Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
