do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
