And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
