You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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