This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
