can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
