I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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