I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
