Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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