Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize