Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
