I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
