yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
