we're blogging at a bar
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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