Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
