we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
