Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
