so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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