I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
