so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
