Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
