Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize