I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
