why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
