dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
