You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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