You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
