I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
