Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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