I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
