I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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