apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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