That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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