4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize