Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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