Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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