and she was petting her beer can
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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