when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
