and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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