I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
