But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
