You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
