she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
