I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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