Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
