The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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