Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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