My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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