God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
