What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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