This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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