last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think my fart just growled at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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