I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
