Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
