I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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