I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
