There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
