just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My bed smells like the plague
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
