I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
