somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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