in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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