It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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