toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
