I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
