it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
