She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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