Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
