I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
