DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
