I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
