Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
