You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
