So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
