My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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