My balls are so social today.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
