Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
