Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
