I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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