Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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