Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
