I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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