This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have demons in me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
