I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
