dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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