No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
