I'm so fucking centered right now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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