I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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