when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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