At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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