somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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