anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
