When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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