bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
